


Mistakes and All

by InfamousPlayer



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Aura - Freeform, Feeling are complicated, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Moving On, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfamousPlayer/pseuds/InfamousPlayer
Summary: Me awake through the whole night, bored out of my mind, still salty over episode 30 and what do you get: This shit.
Relationships: Gou | Goh & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Koharu | Chloe & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum & Satoshi no Pikachu | Ash Ketchum's Pikachu, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum & Satoshi no Pokemon | Ash Ketchum's Pokemon
Comments: 16
Kudos: 111





	Mistakes and All

_**"PIKACHU!!!!!"**_ Ash hollered across the park, Riolu mimicking him by his feet as they both desperately tried to find the electric mouse who had simply disappeared in the last hour or so.

Goh winced, while Koharu watched Ash and Riolu with an aggravated expression that he couldn't really make sense of. "Ash, calm down, I think people in Johto can hear you by this point. I'm pretty sure he's not here." He tried to tell his friend, honestly more to distract himself from his own worry, both for Pikachu and Ash.

_He didn't know Ash could get this absolutely panicked and desperate, and even though it shouldn't surprise him considering it was Pikachu they were talking about, seeing Ash like this just felt... awful._

Ash and Riolu finally calmed down, both sinking to their knees, and _damn_ if seeing Ash just fall like that, looking completely defeated and lost didn't pull at both their heartstrings, but Koharu couldn't help but get a sense of gratification, knowing exactly why this was happening but refusing to say it.

Ash had to realize his screw up on his own.

"DAMN IT!" Ash punched the ground, startling both Goh and Koharu, while Riolu just put a paw on his knee, calming his trainer- _~~protector father~~_ \- down in an instant. Taking a deep breath, the raven haired trainer tried to focus. Specifically on the part of "why the hell was this happening?"

He knew Pikachu wasn't jealous. That wasn't really a problem for them since Kalos, since they found out what Greninja's transformation actually was, since Ash had actually sucked it up and sat down with Pikachu to talk about how this whole Bond Phenomenon thing would never get in the way of their partnership ever, and they both had cried their eyes out promising to never leave one another ever and that they were the best partners in the universe.

Ugh, _feelings._ So complicated.

It was a shame he was so prone to them.

But even with all that, he still couldn't figure out what the problem was. Granted, today had kinda been weird, with Riolu and him training more and more and _more_ and honestly Ash kinda felt how he felt with Greninja sometimes when they were training or when they were transformed, where everything just narrowed down to a single tunnel with him and Greninja and his opponent in it. 

He never realized it until it was over.

So could it be, could it be he had accidentally ignored Pika-

"Oh my God Ash, I can't believe how dumb you can be sometimes." Koharu groaned exasperated, and Ash cringed as he realized she had probably came to the same conclusion he just had, and of course, she had the advantage of not have been blinded by the pull of another Pokemon's aura that happened to be linked to his own since birth, but still, that was no excuse.

And even if it was, it was still Ash's fault for never touching his aura again and letting something as _avoidable_ as this happen. He just couldn't- _couldn't-_

Not after Lucario. Never again.

_Please, never again._

"What the- what are you talking about Koharu?!" Goh yelled in a mix of confusion and anger, because even if he was more than used to her insults at this point, this was crossing a line. She had no idea how close Ash and Pikachu were, had no idea that this would _never_ have happened if Ash didn't have a good reason for it to happen. She had no right to pretend she knew what was going on.

"Pikachu was obviously feeling lonely through the whole day, and you just ignored him to train with Riolu. And now you're surprised he's going to see someone who actually gave him attention? How dense can you be?" She tried to look casual, like she didn't care about what she was saying at all, but some anger mixed in her speech anyway. Seeing him and Pikachu's bond, it was so goddamn inspiring, how amazing they both were together, and how one seemed to draw literal strength from the other. But seeing Ash commit such a stupid mistake like this was just so... _disappointing._

She knew she was being _way_ too harsh, knew she wasn't really in any position to speak as she was barely a trainer herself, knew that him and Pikachu had been together for years, that they had something she and Yamper still had a long way to have, and knew that Pikachu himself might have screwed up sometimes in this relationship, no one was perfect after all.

But she just wanted to believe that being a trainer was as great as Ash and Goh made it up to be, that having that close of a bond with a Pokémon was worth it. As childish as it was, she just _wanted_ them to be the perfect duo so bad.

So her going all out on him now was a payback of sorts. For giving her hope and then taking it away.

She knew it was completely unfair, but _fuck it,_ she didn't feel like being fair right now.

Ash just looked down as Goh sputtered, yelling at Koharu that it wasn't fair, and really, it wasn't, and Ash had about a dozen ways he could tell the girl to shove it, but well, that wouldn't be fair either would it? She wasn't wrong in essence. She just didn't have the full picture.

"Stop Goh, she's right. I did screw up today. I know it's not entirely my fault but... I could've avoided it. I know I could've. I need to apologise. Fortunately, I know where he is." The Champion said, scooping up Riolu into his arms, who cooed sadly.

 _"I- It's not my fault right? I- I really didn't mean to make Pikachu feel lonely I just-"_ Shushing the panicking blue pup, Ash wiped away any tears before they could fall. "Nah buddy, it wasn't your fault. I'm just not really that good with Aura you know. Stupid things always happen when I try to use it and I... I kinda got vulnerable to situations like this. I'll make it up to him though. So don't worry ok?" The little fighter nodded, enjoying the petting before jumping back to the ground.

 _"I'll make it up to him too! I got too excited today, and I know I kinda stole you to myself, but I won't do that anymore! I'll make sure he never feels lonely again!"_ Riolu declared, boldly and excitedly and confidently just like he always had, and Ash giggled, getting on his knee to fist bump him.

"I know you will. We both kinda overdid it today, and we gotta make sure we don't do that again so no one ever feels left out. Are you ready?" Ash didn't even need to wait a second for an answer as Riolu jumped on his shoulder, not Pikachu's spot, but one that was slowly becoming his own.

Getting up, he grinned at Goh and Koharu, both staring dumbly at him, as most people usually did after he's had an entire conversation with Pokémon and understood every single thing they said. "I know where Pikachu is. Let's go Goh!" Walking forward, Goh and Raboot and Sobble following him immediately, Ash knew what he had to do. 

Apologize, explain. Communication. All things him and Pikachu sucked at, but that they always made themselves _not suck_ for each other. And they always would. 

If only it was that easy.

"Yeah, yeah, go fix your screw up already." Koharu said, sounding so completely _done_ with them and it kinda broke something in Ash. He knew that something like this would end up happening- _neither he nor Pikachu were really the same without the other-_ but he really didn't want to lash out at anyone here in the Institute, _especially_ not Goh. But he didn't have to worry about that. Goh was so understanding, especially after having his own problems with Raboot. 

He and Ash were together pretty much all the time, and Goh had seen Ash's bond with Pikachu with his own eyes in several different ways, knew that something like this wouldn't have happened simply because Ash had just decided to ignore Pikachu for today. _Ash wasn't like that._

Goh knew that, Koharu didn't. It was completely normal that she would react this way, especially after the whole thing with Yamper. She didn't know about what he and Pikachu had been through. She didn't know about Aura and the _absolute terror_ it brought along. Didn't know Ash was just starting to open up to the idea of ever touching Aura again after Riolu hatched. He _couldn't_ lash out at her.

_But goddamnit he wasn't the same without Pikachu._

"Look Koharu, I already said I screwed up and I'm gonna apologize, so _back off_ alright?" He snapped, startling himself, Goh and most definitely Koharu, who's head snapped up to look at him, green eyes startled and showing just that little bit of hurt in them. 

God, he felt like such an _asshole._

But he was feeling like kind of an asshole today, so just to be mean, he added: "I know this might come as a shock to you, but you don't _actually_ know everything." And turned around just as the hurt amplified, refusing to deal with that now that he already had his best friend in the whole world to deal with. 

Walking away, leaving a flabbergasted Goh- _for a few seconds at least-_ and an incredibly hurt Koharu behind, he focused on what he had to now, and felt disappointed in himself.

One more apology for later. Another one that could've been avoided.

* * *

Later, when everything was solved, him and Pikachu completely ok again and his brother in all but blood promising to help him along his way to open up to Aura again, all the while apologizing for not having thought about that and having been so selfish and Ash desperately trying to assure him that he didn't do anything wrong and that he hadn't been selfish in anyway-

Goddamnit, it's like they couldn't have an emotional conversation without crying their eyes out.

But in the next morning, both back at the park and bond stronger than ever, both just watching Dragonite and Gengar having their usual mock battle to see how their training was gonna go for the day, Ash had almost forgotten that he desperately needed to apologize to Koharu until she hesitantly walked up to him, wearing casual clothes for once instead of her usual school clothing, and the feeling of being an asshole resurfaces in a second.

"Hey, uh... can I sit here?" The violet haired girl asked, looking so nervous and hesitant that Ash wanted to punch himself for putting it there. They hadn't been exactly close before- _Ash wondered if she was close to anyone besides her family honestly- but she was at least warming up to him. An_ d then of course he had to snap at her like an idiot.

God he hated Aura.

But that was what caused this whole scenario in the first place, so he was gonna have to overcome that. And he _never_ backed down from a challenge.

"Yeah, of course." He said quickly, just as awkwardly, and honestly everything about this whole thing was awkward, but when weren't things awkward for Ash?

Silence reigned for awhile, both just as uncomfortable and seemingly as ashamed as the other, so they both decided to go straight to the main topic, the sound of Dragonite being slammed to the ground by Psychic merely background noise.

 _"God, I'm so sorry."_ They both said at the same time, deflating and hanging their heads, and it only took a second for them to realize what happened and stare at each other, before they both burst into a fit of giggles.

Welp, that was one way of starting the conversation.

"So- Sorry about that. Ladies first." He said as he finally contained his laughter, Koharu doing the same as they got to the actual mature and grown up part of the conversation, except they were sixteen and fifteen respectively, so naturally, they both kinda fucking sucked at it.

Sighing, Koharu, finally started. "I'm so sorry for the way I treated you yesterday. It wasn't right, nor fair, or even my place honestly. I was just projecting like an idiot and- God, I'm just so sorry, you didn't deserve that." Wiping away the usual tears of shame and embarrassment that came with all of that, she braced herself for his answer, not really knowing what to expect from him anymore.

Goh had warned her before, but it was only really yesterday that she realized how unpredictable Ash could really be. 

And now it was no different.

"Nah, you were right. I totally screwed up with Pikachu yesterday. I got too carried away, ignored everything else, and it led to that. It won't happen again, but you were totally right to call me out. I'm really sorry for what I said, I'm just- not the same without Pikachu around you know. That was totally uncalled for, I'm really sorry." Not looking into her eyes because he was a coward, he just petted Pikachu as he made his way into his lap, grumbling about how Ash was way too goddamn hard on himself and how he had screwed up too and whatever else. Ash just shushed him as he petted his tail.

Blurting out a laugh that was part relief that Ash didn't hate her now- _she didn't really know why she cared, but there was just something about him that made her feel awful about having done any kind of harm to him, is this what Goh felt-_ part genuine amusement because she had been right. 

_Unpredictable._

"No, it wasn't uncalled for. That was _totally_ called for because I was acting like a brat who knew more than the guy who spent years alongside Pikachu just because of one experience that I had. I just- Ugh. This is gonna sound embarrassing and I'm gonna _kill you_ if you ever tell Goh about this, but you inspire me a whole lot you know?" Looking at his brown eyes that she absolutely couldn't read for some reason, she only saw genuine confusion, and goddamn, didn't that hurt her a little.

"What do you mean?" The asshole _genuinely_ didn't get it, didn't realize how much Goh had changed thanks to him, how much she was changing thanks to him, and she felt a burning fire inside her, telling her to make him _see it._

"You're really gonna make me say it? Jesus Ash, just look at how much Goh matured and changed and just how much _stronger_ he is now, how much more _alive_ this place is. I've seen more of Goh in the last three months than in the past year combined. You've inspired so much change and that... God, that helps me a lot you know? Knowing that I can change and become someone awesome as well." She couldn't believe she was confessing all this to a boy she barely knew besides what Goh told her about him, which in all fairness was a lot, but still.

Ash just stared at her with big, wide eyes, and for a second she couldn't help but stare. That was until he surprised her once more, jumping to her case along with Pikachu in a way she never expected in a million years.

"What are you talking about Koharu?! You're already awesome!" He exclaimed like she had just shouted some profanity, and she couldn't help the blush that worked it's way up her cheeks, hoping the sound of Dragonite landing a Dragon Claw on Gengar's face right as he teleported back into existence distracted him from it.

"W-What?! What're you talking about?! I'm nothing special-" She never expected the intensity of his next words, but Arceus, weren't they enough to take her breath away.

"Everyone is special in their own way." He said, voice strong and hard as steel despite being a lot calmer than seconds before. Looking at Gengar and Dragonite's battle, then at Riolu's usual spar with Farfetch'd, then grinning at Pikachu, he looked back at her, looking so earnestly honest that she didn't know how the hell she could ever think he wasn't _good._

"All of these guys? They have room to grow a ton. Evolved or not, more experienced or not, more powerful or not. And you have a lot of room to grow too Koharu. But you know what you all have in common? The you that you are now, right at this moment, is already _amazing."_ Grinning, he just stared at her, like he was seeing right into her soul, and really, he probably was.

"You are so nice, to people and Pokémon. I know that you care a lot more about both than you let on, and that you just do it in a different way, and that's awesome! It doesn't make you worse than anyone. Everyone is different, and that's great! There's a reason why so many Pokémon like you so easily, and that's because they can sense that in you. But you gotta do it at your own time. So whenever you are ready, they're gonna be waiting for you." Then, as if he couldn't surprise her anymore today, he grabbed her hands on his own, holding them tightly. Her breath hitched.

"So don't be afraid that you aren't good enough now. You definitely have more common sense than both me and Goh combined, and I know whatever you choose to do, it will be great! You're definitely gonna grow and evolve, _everyone_ is, but don't think that happens because there's something wrong with the you from now, because trust me, there definitely isn't!" He finished with a grin, not even realizing how completely awe struck he had made the girl in front of him.

What the hell did she say now? She had come here to apologise for being an absolute asshole to him yesterday, and now he was complementing her more than pretty much anyone besides her family ever had and quenching all her fears in just one speech, and he- he- he didn't _have_ to do it, he barely knew her, and he thought so highly of her-

_Arceus, was she getting choked up?_

Thankfully, the raven haired trainer pulled back before she could muster up a response, rubbing his neck sheepishly. "Oh, I'm sorry, I got carried away again, I probably sounded kinda pretentious didn't I?" Pikachu just sighed with a smile and rested his head on his human's knee, and Koharu couldn't help but mimic the sentiment.

He had said things so amazing, so awe inspiring, and then thought that made him pretentious- part of her was surprised he knew what the word meant.

Shaking her head, still in a daze of awe and barely concealed tears, Koharu finally spoke again. "Nope. That was pretty cool." She said with a smile, and he grinned back at her, looking back at his Pokémon, and the girl did the same. Looking at them, she saw what he meant.

Each one of them powerhouses, some more than others, all with different attributes and weakness and personalities, and all had so much room to grow, but they were all so amazing already. Looking at them, seeing Riolu and Farfetch'd get stronger and closer to evolving every day, and seeing Dragonite and Gengar learning to hone and control their power with more precision and finesse every second, and even then, they were all here, fighting with Ash and for Ash and believing in him just as he believed in them.

Knowing that Ash believed in her too... God, did it make her feel like a huge weight was lifted off of her.

"I meant what I said you know? You really inspired everyone around here. Not just Goh, but Dad, and Kikuna and Renji and all your Pokémon and... and me. I- I just wanted you to know that. I... I really don't think any of us would be here right now if it weren't for you." She said as sincerely as she could, and she knew that she was cold but she just needed to make him see it. Just how awesome and how incredibly amazing he was.

Ash just looked at her again, and _something_ passed over his face. She didn't know why but... she didn't like it. Not one bit. "Inspired you huh... yeah, I guess I do. _I just wish that was a good thing though."_ He whispered the last part, Pikachu jumping on his shoulder, nuzzling his cheeks and Riolu immediately sensing his distress, which alerted all his Pokémon, who immediately came to him, keeping their distance but making it clear they were there.

It was honestly amazing how worried she suddenly felt. If yesterday he looked lost when Pikachu was gone, she didn't even know what to make of him now, with Pikachu on his shoulder and so close to him, but Ash looking like he couldn't be further away.

She didn't even hesitate to put a hand on his shoulder, making him look at her. The worry in her voice surprised even her. "Are you ok?" For a moment she was sure he would lie to her. Would just laugh and somehow slip away, and then pretend nothing happened when they met each other again. But then it was like he just gave up, bursting out a laugh and shaking his head, hunching in on himself, and Koharu couldn't help but flinch at how... _small_ he looked.

Ash wasn't tall by any sense of the word, but his presence was usually so big, so imponent in the room that his size just straight up didn't matter.

Now it was like he was purposefully trying to disappear from existence.

"No... God, _I'm not okay."_ Laughing hysterically, he put a hand on his face, and Koharu really didn't know what to do now, Goh was supposed to deal with this kinda stuff, but he isn't here now, and she is, and _there is no way in hell_ that she's going away.

"I'm a fricking mess... what the hell is wrong with me? It's been so long and I still can't even begin to move on. I don't know how you can think someone like me can ever inspire someone. I can't even get my shit together for my best friend for a whole day." He said with such certainty, such belief, and the girl couldn't even try to suppress the flinch she gave as those horrible, horrible words reached her ears.

She didn't ever imagine things like these would come from Ash's mouth of all people, always so positive and optimistic, but _Jesus_ this was- this was fucked up.

Thankfully, Ash saved her from having to say anything again by just lifting a trembling hand, and Koharu gasped at the faint blue glow that was coming out of it. "This- this is Aura. It's a life force that engulfs everything and everyone around the world. Some people are adept to use it, and I happen to be one of them. There are pretty much no other people like me around these days, and I never use it, but ever since Riolu hatched I have been tapping into it sometimes, our Aura's just instinctively linked, and it just keeps overwhelming me you know? It's what happened yesterday, and _I know_ it sounds like an excuse but that's what happened." Riolu came closer immediately, hugging Ash's side, glowing the same shade of blue as Ash's hand, and Koharu noticed how the glow- Aura around his hand seemingly calmed down.

 _"It's beautiful."_ It was all she could say.

 _"I hate it."_ He sounded like he wanted to scream, but was just too tired to do so. The answer startled the violet haired girl, eyes snapping up to meet Ash's brown- and now they were blue. Of course. Made sense.

Hearing Ash say that he hated anything- especially something about himself was more upsetting than she could've ever anticipated.

It reminded her way too much of Goh in the past years.

"It only screwed me over in the past, every experience I've had with it besides Riolu sucked and it just- God, I'm such a _coward,_ but I don't want to open up to it again, _I'm so goddamn afraid."_ He cried, and all his Pokémon immediately closed in on him, cooing and doing their best to comfort their trainer, and Koharu's logical mind screamed at her to go get Goh, he would know what to do, he would handle it way better than her-

But she couldn't.

For the life of her, _she couldn't._

Acting bolder than she felt, she borrowed a page from his book and grabbed his hands, holding them close, and she didn't know why, but she felt stronger by doing so. Her actions clearly startled him, his eyes snapping up to meet hers, and true to his words, he looked so _afraid._

Any doubts she had, she threw it out the window now.

"I know you're afraid. I know you feel like you won't ever be able to do it again. I don't know what happened, and I won't pretend I do, but Ash, you're _so strong._ I _know_ you will be able to get through this. I _know_ you will be able to use Aura again some day. But, Ash, just take your own advice and go at your own pace. You are amazing as you are now, Aura or not, and you not being able to use it doesn't make you weak. I-" Laughing, she looked at his awe struck eyes. 

"I don't know how you can call yourself weak Ash. You're probably the strongest person I've ever met. And I know we are both gonna commit mistakes but... do you think you can let me help you get there? Mistakes and all?" She grinned at him, something she hadn't done in a long, long time, and once again, she felt so grateful to Ash Ketchum.

The blue in his eyes and hand subsided, and he slowly, slowly but surely grinned back. "Only if you let me help you. Mistakes and all." They both laughed, hugging each other, and Jesus Christ when was the last time she hugged someone outside her family, and then all the Pokémon hugged them and all they could both hear was the other saying:

_"Deal."_

**Author's Note:**

> So, unless you've already killed yourself after reading this, let me explain what brought this on. I thought episode 30 fucking sucked. Yeah, that's it. Some scenes were extremely cute, but that didn't make up for the fact that the episode was rushed and kinda insulted Pikachu and Ash's relationship. Now, let it be clear that I have no problems with Ash and Pikachu still having trouble in their friendship some times, that's actually a really good concept, because even the greatest friends have their problems sometimes, and that's ok. What I hated however, is how they had to dumb down Ash's character to make him commit the most nonsensical and avoidable mistake ever, ignore Pikachu through the whole day for no reason, something that never happened before and would've probably happened with Greninja if it was ever going to, and in the end it was kinda clear to me that they just dumbed down his personality to make Koharu look smart. And the worst part is that they didn't even show it. And let's not even get started on the fact that the whole conflict could've been avoided if Pikachu and Riolu just trained together, something that happened in LITERALLY the prior episode to that. It was just so stupidly forced and such bad character portrayal that it kinda hurt my soul, but like I said, I still think it's a nice concept, so I gave a reason for it to happen here, where it doesn't make either party look stupid or out of character, or at least I hope. And then of course I turned the whole thing into a Ash and Koharu bonding fic because I'm a maniac and I love these two interacting. And let it be clear, this fic is in now way bashing her or saying she's an asshole. She just got the situation wrong, and like I explained in there, she had her reasons to act why she did. Plus, she's like, fifteen in this one, teenagers make these kind of mistakes all the time, and I would know because I am one. I just really wanted these two to como into an understanding and become friends on screen, so here we are. It was probably forced and cringy and I'm really sorry if I made anyone want to carve their eyes out, but I hope you liked it. And also, if you want to, please don't be afraid to comment. I love to hear what everyone thinks or if anyone wants to point out something I got wrong, so feel free to do that. It really means a lot.


End file.
